OPERATION-INFINITEJUSTICE.ORG |
Kabul, Afghanistan---October 10, 2001-- A shocking development took place today as the ruling members of the Taliban held a press conference threatening the United States if its territory is invaded. Immigration Czar Mohammed Momaluke stated that the Afghan authorities "would not hesitate for a moment" .....to cut off the US supply of convenience store managers.
Osama Bin Laden phoned president Bush. "I had a dream last night about the United States" he said. "I could see the whole country, and over every building and home was a banner." "What was on the banners, "asked president Bush. "LONG LIVE OSAMA" answered Bin Laden. "I'm so glad that you called,"said president Bush," because I too had a dream. In my dream I saw Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than ever. Totally rebuilt with many gleaming office buildings. Large residential subdivisions, with large swimming pools, full of men and women playing and having a good time. Over every building and home was a big beautiful banner flying." "What did the banner say?" asked Bin Laden.? "I don't know," answered president Bush, " I cant read Hebrew."
During the last few weeks, I think all of us have heard some extraordinary stories about how wonderful our country is. I was particularly moved by the following letter from one of our service personnel and how another nation, that was once our enemy, is supporting our efforts. Here is the letter:
This is an e-mail from a young ensign aboard USS Winston Churchill (DDG-81) to his parents. (Churchill is an Arleigh Burke class AEGIS guided missile destroyer, commissioned March 10, 2001, and is the only active US Navy warship named after a foreign national.).
Dear Dad,We are still at sea. The remainder of our port visits have all been cancelled. We have spent every day since the attacks going back and forth within imaginary boxes drawn in the ocean, standing high-security watches, and trying to make the best of it. We have seen the articles and the photographs, and they are sickening. Being isolated, I don't think we appreciate the full scope of what is happening back home, but we are definitely feeling the effects. About two hours ago, we were hailed by a German Navy destroyer, the Lutjens, requesting permission to pass close by our port side. Strange, since we're in the middle of an empty ocean, but the captain acquiesced and we prepared to render them honors from our bridgewing.
As they were making their approach, our conning officer used binoculars and announced that the Lutjens was flying not the German, but the American flag. As she came alongside us, we saw the American flag flying at half-mast and her entire crew topside standing at silent, rigid attention in their dress uniforms. They had made a sign that was displayed on her side that read "We Stand By You."
There was not a dry eye on the bridge as they stayed alongside us for a few minutes and saluted. It was the most powerful thing I have seen in my life. The German Navy did an incredible thing for this crew, and it has truly been the highest point in the days since the attacks.
It's amazing to think that only half-century ago things were quite different. After the Lutjens pulled away the Officer of the Deck, who had been planning to get out later this year, turned to me and said, "I'm staying Navy."
I'll write you when I know more about when I'll be home, but this is it for now.
Love you guys.
Gary Olene
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources.
We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
